Unspeakable Tragedy

I've been gathering my thoughts about my father-in-law's sudden, unexpected death for the past few weeks; it's a lot to process all at once. Sometimes it still doesn't seem real. It still seems like we're going to see him at Christmas, along with the massive amount of Christmas decorations (mostly nutcrackers, which he collected) that he put up every year.

There are so many things that are tragic about this. He was a husband, father, grandfather, brother, son, and friend of many. Very many. There were probably 600-700 people at his funeral, and many more who said they wanted to attend but couldn't. But the thing that I keep coming back to is that there's a beautiful little baby boy who will never know firsthand how wonderful his Grandpa was. So here you go, little guy....here's the first of many times I'll tell you about him.

Dear Elijah,

Your grandpa loved you very much. I probably had a hundred people tell me how excited he was about meeting you. And how he showed off pictures of you at every opportunity, in typical proud-grandpa fashion. He saw a picture of you every time he turned on his cell phone, and carried your newborn photo from the hospital in his wallet---the only photo he kept in there. He was so proud. He was all smiles whenever he saw you. I have a picture of all four of your grandparents as they walked into the hospital room to meet you for the very first time. All of them were so excited to meet you!

Your grandpa was a great guy. As your daddy said on the day of his funeral, he was the kind of man who looked after widows and orphans. He was always caring, always visiting, always helping. He was the person we called when we thought we were having car trouble. He helped us fix a few things around the house not long after you were born. He had lots and lots of tools, and was very smart---he could fix anything. And he was happy to help out anyone with anything.

Back when I was first getting to know your daddy's family, he always tried to make me feel welcome. I talked to him a lot, about all sorts of things.

One little thing I will miss is waking up to the smell of breakfast cooking at his house. And the tailgating at Michigan football games! Those were some very early mornings, which would start out with breakfast under the big Michigan tent and end with more food.

I am so sad that you won't get to see his big smiles, or hear his laugh. And that he won't get to toss you up into the air, help you learn to swing a golf club, or take you to a football game. But even though you won't get to know him, always remember that he knew you, and he loved you.

-Mommy

>

Right Now

My wonderful husband, baby strapped to himself, just baked brownies AND walked into the room with the mixing bowl so I could have the little bits of batter that remained.  Does it get any better than this?  Ahhh, I picked the right guy.  :)  

Sometime I will post about the tragic and overwhelming events to hit our family in the last two weeks, but for right now I will revel in what is right with the world.  My family.  I love them more every day, in ways that I couldn't have anticipated even a few years ago.  My friends, who have shown me their love in support in ways that I have never experienced.  My little guy, who brings me so much joy.  I am learning to savor the moments.  All of those little moments that I never used to notice.

Portraits

So I realized that the reason I didn't like a lot of his photos, other than the fact he's not smiling, is that they had him propped up at a weird angle, which I didn't notice at the time.  So he looks a little uncomfortable in most of the leaning-back ones.  Here are just a few!

3 Months Old!

Of course, Mr. Smiley Man decided to not really smile much during his session at the portrait studio today. Not sure what that was about. I think he must be tired. We got there within 45 minutes of him waking up from his nap, and he just ate, but he still wasn't nearly as alert and interactive as usual. Oh, well...the photos were still pretty cute. 

I managed to get some really cute photos of my own 2 days ago---so many shots of him with big smiles that it'll be hard to narrow down the best ones! I'm starting to wonder how much it would cost me to set up my own portrait studio at home---I have a good camera, but I'd need the lights and backdrops. Then at least I could get him when he's happiest, right after waking up and eating!

 

Do I really look that frazzled?

I thought I looked pretty good today. I mean, I showered and everything! And I was wearing clothes that were free of spit-up and drool. But for some reason when I was at Target today with the little guy (we went to the portrait studio) I was getting all kinds of sympathetic comments from people. "You've got your hands full, huh?" Several people offered to help me get him in and out of his car seat. And when I was almost back to the car, and older gentleman walking past said, "Don't worry, they'll grow up soon." Elijah wasn't even screaming, or all of this would have made sense. I didn't think I was stressed out, either (except by the fact that I had to pay full price for the portraits since I forgot my coupon). So the only conclusion I could draw was that I must look really tired or stressed out, by normal people's standards. I guess not sleeping for more than 3 hours at a time for 3 months will do that to a person, I don't know.

"He's so huge!"

At church today, it was fun to see a whole bunch of our friends...some of whom I haven't seen in a while.  And they hadn't seen Elijah in a while, either.  Quite a few people commented on how big he's getting.  I think he seems to look different every day.  He has so many facial expressions now that it seems like every picture we take is different than the last.  It's really fun to see him learning how to communicate, making faces and sounds.  I know it'll be a while until he can actually talk, but hearing his gurgling noises is still pretty fun.  

He turns 3 months old next Saturday.  How time flies!  The following Monday he has a doctor appointment and we'll find out just how big he is.  I keep having to remove clothes from his dresser that no longer fit.  I had to go buy some more sleepers for him.  His PJ's were getting too short, but now he has enough of them, at least in his current size.  But I somehow doubt that the 3-6 month size is actually going to last until he's 6 months old!  It's really amazing to watch a tiny human being grow literally before my eyes.  

A few photos from today....

Playing with daddy...

A new skill, or an accident/fluke?

From what I hear, it's waaay too early for Elijah to be rolling over.  Except that it's now happened 3 times.  But until he's started doing this on a regular basis, at times other than right after I've set him down for tummy time, I'll refrain from pronouncing him SuperBaby.

Check out the drool that I caught mid-air on this one:

"Ohh, here we go...not stable, not stable, rolling.....uh, mom?"

"Hey, what happened?!?  How did I get here?"  

 

Ok, I stand corrected.  I have been informed that it is possible to measure one's success as a mom at this stage: everyone is breathing at the end of the day, and I am still sane.  My problem is that I am an overachiever.  True, true.  :)  

Well, it is the end of the day, and everyone is breathing, and I have my wits about me.  Score one for me!!!!